


to see you again

by stupidbadgers



Category: Naruto
Genre: Content warnings in end notes, M/M, Sad Ending, note that i've chosen not to use archive warnings, this is not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27883570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidbadgers/pseuds/stupidbadgers
Summary: Iruka smiled, turning his head up to look at Kakashi, finding the man already gazing down at him. He pecked his cheek before rubbing his nose against the spot, “I love you, Kakashi.”
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	to see you again

**Author's Note:**

> **content warnings in the end notes.** this is not a happy fic and does not end happy. please, take care of yourself and _do not read_ if this kind of content bothers you. 
> 
> my brain decided it needed sad things ~~as if it doesn't make enough sad things on its own~~. 
> 
> thank you to hazel for looking this over and making it the best version it could be. 
> 
> enjoy~

The sounds of Konoha surrounded Iruka, cheery and full of life, as he made his way home from the mission desk. It wasn’t late by any means, but it was near the time children would be called in to wash up for dinner, leaving the remnants of the day's activities scattered about as they cleaned up. 

Restaurants were bustling with patrons, snippets of conversation and laughter trickling outside the doors and windows. It made Iruka smile, hearing the village he loved so much teeming with life. A handful of people called out to him, giving hellos and friendly waves as he passed.

He gently pushed aside the noren and slipped onto a stool at Ichiraku. Teuchi turned from the pot he was standing in front of, greeting Iruka with a giant smile. 

“Ah, Iruka-sensei, by yourself tonight?” 

Iruka scratched the side of his scarred nose, blushing lightly. “Yeah, it’ll be a few days before Kakashi is back.”

Teuchi nodded—he may not have been a shinobi, but he had been serving the shinobi community for a long time and had picked up many things over the years. The life of a shinobi was dangerous, could be cut short at a moment’s notice, and the people who stayed behind in the village worried about those who went out on missions. 

“I’ll have my regular, to-go please.” 

“Sure thing,” Teuchi replied with another smile, turning back to cook Iruka’s ramen. 

Iruka propped his elbow on the counter, placing his chin in his hand. He missed Kakashi. A lot. The jounin had been gone for a week already and Iruka felt the absence of his presence with every moment. He sent a hope to the universe that his lover would have a safe journey, one that would return him home quickly. 

A to-go bowl with a lid being placed in front of him startled Iruka from his thoughts. Some shinobi he was, daydreaming at the ramen stand, he scoffed to himself. 

“On the house tonight, Iruka-sensei.” 

Iruka waved his hands, “Really, Teuchi-san, you don’t need to do that—” 

“Nonsense,” Teuchi said. “Have a good night. Give Kakashi-san my best when he gets back.” 

Thanking the other man and bowing, Iruka took his ramen and finished his trek home. 

*

“I’m home,” Iruka called out as he closed the door, knowing he wouldn’t get a reply, but long-time habit ingrained. 

So he was surprised to hear a low voice greet him, “Welcome home.” 

Iruka nearly dropped his ramen in his haste to get to the lounge. 

“Kakashi! You’re home!” 

He looked the jounin over, searching for wounds or blood, tension in his muscles where it shouldn’t be, anything to indicate he was hurt. Kakashi had a habit of returning home beaten and bloodied instead of going to the hospital. 

“I needed to see you,” came the reply, Kakashi’s eye turning up in a mock-smile. 

Iruka couldn’t help but laugh at the man, setting his ramen on the table and leaning down, pulling Kakashi’s mask down after a moment’s hesitation—the one that asked permission, granted with a slow blink that was akin to a cat—and kissing him soundly. He had missed Kakashi so much. 

He pulled back, shivering, both from the pleasure of kissing his love and from the chill that was emanating from him. 

“Kami, Kashi, you’re freezing!” 

Kakashi leered at him, “Warm me up?” 

Iruka smacked his arm, but settled down into the crook of Kakashi’s arm, cradling his ramen with him. 

“I didn’t know you would be home, I would have got you something.” 

“That’s okay, I’m not hungry.” 

Iruka furrowed his brow, “How can you not be hungry? You’ve been gone for a week and I know you only brought the couple sandwiches for the first day or so and brought ration bars for the rest.” 

Kakashi’s chest rumbled with a laugh, “I’m fine, love. Eat. Cuddle me.” 

Iruka smiled, turning his head up to look at Kakashi, finding the man already gazing down at him. He pecked his cheek before rubbing his nose against the spot, “I love you, Kakashi.” 

“I love you too, Iruka. Remember that. Always.” 

Though he thought it odd, Iruka didn’t remark on it, just kissed Kakashi again before returning to his ramen. 

*

A knock at the door roused Iruka from his doze. He sat up, lifting his head from Kakashi’s lap where he had been resting it while Kakashi threaded his fingers through Iruka’s hair, the other hand’s fingers intertwined with Iruka’s. 

“I’ll get it,” Iruka said quietly, shuffling to the door. 

He was surprised to see the Godaime standing on the other side of the threshold. 

“Tsunade-sama, what can I do for you?” Iruka asked, smoothing his hair down and straightening his shirt.

The expression on the Hokage’s face was pinched and she held herself with a tension Iruka had not seen in her before. 

“Iruka-sensei, may I come in?” 

Worry filled Iruka—had something happened to Naruto? He couldn’t bear the thought of losing the boy; it was hard enough with him gone training and only receiving a letter every few months, but to never see him again? That could break Iruka. 

He realized he was standing there, gripping the door so tight the wood was creaking. 

“Oh, of course, please,” he rambled, stepping to the side to allow Tsunade through. She slipped her shoes off, following Iruka into the lounge. Kakashi was nowhere to be seen. Iruka looked around, wondering where the other man had slipped off to. He probably just didn’t want to be scolded by Tsunade—Iruka suspected the Godaime found enjoyment in scolding Kakashi and sought out every opportunity to, but Kakashi found the scoldings just as amusing. 

“Perhaps you should sit, Iruka,” Tsunade said, gesturing to the couch. 

Iruka sat where Kakashi had just been without the permission of his mind, his limbs giving out as he continued to imagine the worst case scenario. He felt no warmth from the couch. 

“Iruka, I’m very sorry to have to tell you this,” the hokage began. Iruka’s heart clenched and his throat constricted. “Early this morning one of Kakashi’s ninken arrived to fetch a recovery team. The ninken dispersed before the team could be led back to Kakashi’s location. By the time the team found him and were able to bring him back to Konoha, it was too late.” 

Iruka didn’t understand. This wasn’t about Naruto? 

But wait, Kakashi had been here not five minutes ago. He looked around the flat, searching for Kakashi. 

“I don’t understand,” Iruka said, looking at the hokage again. He stood abruptly, his fists clenched. “Is this some kind of joke? Because it’s not funny.” 

Tsunade’s voice was sharp, “I would never joke about something like this.” 

“He can’t be… He was just here,” Iruka said looking toward his bedroom. Kakashi stood, slouched against the wall. Iruka gestured toward the other man, “See, he’s right—”

His words turned to ash in his mouth. 

The sad and worn expression on Kakashi’s bare face told him that Tsunade was not joking, she was not mistaken. 

Kakashi had died. 

The world spun around Iruka, but he remained standing. Distantly he could hear Tsuande’s voice speaking to him, but the words were muffled. His body stood at attention, years of ingrained shinobi instincts taking over, but he wasn’t taking in anything the hokage was saying. 

*

He wasn’t sure when Tsunade had left, but as he blinked, slowly coming back to himself he realized he was alone. 

That was all it took for the dam to break.

His legs gave out and he collapsed in a heap, bent at the waist as screaming sobs ripped from his chest. He lost sense of everything around him again; he could feel nothing but the monstrous pain threatening to crush him completely. Iruka had endured loss before, too many times, but nothing could amount to the pain he felt at the moment. He thought for sure his heart would break in two, completely shatter as if made of the finest porcelain and dropped on the floor. 

Time ceased. 

He cried every tear he had in him and then some. 

Then he was numb. 

*

He didn’t remember how he got to the funeral, but there he stood, at the front, tears he didn’t know he still had tracking down his cheeks. 

Or maybe that was rain. 

Was it raining? 

Lightning arced across the sky. 

Iruka thought he felt fingers thread with his, but there was no hand there when he looked down. 

There never would be long, pale fingers clasping his own again. 

**Author's Note:**

>  **CONTENT WARNING:** major character death (accidental, not self-inflicted), dissociation
> 
> thank you for reading! comments/kudos are appreciated. please let me know if there are any other content warnings i should include. <3
> 
> [tumblr](https://stupidbadgers.tumblr.com)


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